[ Oh. His brother is ... He's never seen his brother cry like that, not in a way that seems so close to a complete breakdown. Is this what his brother did during previous years? He should have been here, if only to be his brother's support...
And now this might be the only chance they get to remember their parents together. He swallows, thickly, and moves to lean against his brother's arm. ]
Y-yeah? Even the armor? The armor's cool, you have to admit that.
If your armor's anything like what you made us the other week, th-then yeah. Even the armor.
[He moves his arm to wrap around Hiro's, similar to what his little brother used to do when they were younger. He can almost hear their voices saying how proud they are of Hiro. He's done so much in such a short amount of time with his life.
This is usually the only time he allows himself break down. To apologize for mistakes he feels he's made raising Hiro. Mistakes he's made for himself that he's sure they wouldn't be proud of, for not honoring them enough...
But his brother is here with him. So he can't let that wall fall. He clenches a fist against his pant leg instead.]
Probably throw a big party for you getting into SFIT too.
[Shit. Shit, Hiro turning this conversation to him, to what their parents would think of himself is gonna make him lose it. He's always, always thought about what their parents would think of Tadashi in relation to Hiro. Not - not to himself. As a stand alone. Not for his own accomplishments. He's always made promises to be better - to look after Hiro better, to take better care of him and Aunt Cass, he's the oldest, it's -- he has to.
He has to be better than this. Hiro's gotten so badly hurt since he's gotten here already. Tadashi has to get better at this. He mumbles an apology ducking his head down with a shuddering quiet sob.]
[ Some part of him freezes, unsure of what to do. His brother is sobbing next to him, which he's definitely never, ever seen before. Always the unshakable big brother ... But if there's something that Hiro's learned in the wake of Tadashi's death and their arrival here, it's how to start thinking of his brother as a person. It's a difficult road, and he's still not completely on it sometimes, but ... He can see it now. He can see it loud and clear.
So, without hesitating or saying a word, he reaches over and puts his arms around his brother. ]
[When Hiro's close enough, Tadashi moves an arm to hug around his shoulders and pulls him close. This is the way it should have been from the start. Them remembering their parents together, except maybe less crying from him. He isn't sure if they would have liked that or not. Death had never really been a thing in their family until suddenly it wasn't a family anymore.
He had wanted them back so badly. Pleaded, begged for them to be given back. Would have traded with them if he had to. Nothing ever came of it.
Tadashi gives his brother's shoulders a gentle squeeze, wipes at his eyes. Have to hold it together. Even in the one time he lets himself let go, he needs to keep it together.]
[ Hiro can sense the shift in Tadashi's posture, if only because he doesn't seem to be sobbing as much - is his brother trying to protect him even now? He tightens his grip a little and leans in closer. Just kind of resting his head against his brother. ]
They'd be proud. You've been a great older brother.
[ And he means that, he really does. The older he gets, the more he realizes how much Tadashi must have given up to make Hiro's childhood as - well, not normal, but tolerable - as it was. ]
[He rubs circles into his brother's shoulder with his thumb as he calms down himself, just trying to relax as the incense burns out.
Been a great older brother. When? When he couldn't keep Hiro from getting into trouble? When He couldn't get Hiro to listen to reason, that it took manipulation to get him on the right track again? That he's going to die and leave his brother alone?]
[ Hiro looks up at that a bit sharply. He won't pretend his brother's been perfect, but - he mostly has fond or caring memories of his brother, with the rare exceptions being either good for him in the long run or a rare case of his brother, y'know, wanting to have a life. Really the only thing he would count against Tadashi even a little is that whole dying thing, and ... well, they're trying to fix that, aren't they? ]
I dunno. Maybe when you keep getting hurt? Or - when I can't keep you out of trouble. Or all those times growing up with jerks giving you hard times.
[He tries to stay nonchalant but ... Honestly, the guilt's been weighing on him quite a bit over the last few months. It's hard, taking Hiro's choices and mistakes as his own failure to raise his brother the way he thinks he should have.]
[ He blinks up at his brother for a long moment, just trying to parse that concept. Those things hadn't even come to mind. ]
You rescued me all the time. You pulled me out of lockers, you walked me to class and kept those jerks away as much as you could ... I swear you had a sixth sense. You always knew where I was.
[ And then he pauses. He can feel that ever-present buzz move away when his brother tugs at his hoodie. Ugh, he hates that itchy feeling. Like something is stuck ... He frowns, eyes glazing over as he nudges that little thing nestled in his hoodie. ]
... What are you doing? Did you put something in there?
[ Hiro's eyes go wide. A tracker? And - not only was Tadashi doing it long before coming here, but he's obviously still been doing it. Suddenly a lot of things make more sense. Like his brother's extra worry during the age-swap event. And how his hoodies mysteriously vanish and then reappear every time he buys a new one. Tadashi turning up at bot fights.
He isn't even sure how to feel at first. His mouth just hangs open in shock. ]
You've been stalking me? In real life too?
[ In addition to all of his network posts, obviously. ]
[He visibly winces at that. It's not what he'd call it but - no, that is what it is to anyone that doesn't know Hiro. But he looks plenty guilty for it, keeping his eyes down on the photo in front of them. He's quiet for a long time, but when he speaks again, his voice is quiet.]
There was a day. You were really small, starting junior high. Six or seven years old, I went to pick you up. You never came out though. So - I went, uh. Asked your teachers, they said you'd left. [A shaky breath - he remembers that day so vividly, how afraid he was for him.] No one knew where you were. Spen-spent hours looking, almost til after security was going to force me to leave.
Found you, in a locker. Carried you home, knew I couldn't do that again.
Edited (now that sentence makes more sense 8|) 2015-05-15 02:05 (UTC)
[ Hiro flinches a little; the memory is still vivid, having reshaped his entire outlook on school from being something scary but fascinated to being a matter of sheer survival. Get through it as fast as possible and don't try to make friends because they'll inevitably end up hurting you. Later bullying incidents would help reinforce that impression, but that ... that's a scar he still bears, eight years later. He still doesn't like small spaces even now.
So that takes the wind out of him a little. Curbs the edge of what could have been anger. If a complete lack of privacy was the price he paid to never, ever be left in a locker for hours again? Maybe he was okay with that. As a kid. As a young adult ... he's not sure. ]
[At that he chances a glance over to Hiro. Because of this reaction is what his eyes seem to say. Big and still red and wet from crying over their parents but also red and wet from being afraid of what his little brother thinks of him trying to keep him safe.
He looks back down at his hands. Stupid... big older brother decisions, can't even keep his little brother safe properly.]
[ The Hiro from back home who went bot fighting and spent as much time away from his brother as he could? No way. He'd have been picking them out left and right, throwing them in the bay, all kinds of things to keep himself out of his brother's watchful eye. And probably have gotten himself beaten up for it. Here ... Hiro's a little more amenable to the concept, but even with this timing he's not feeling 100% good about this. ]
Maybe not back home. But - I asked you if I could do the same for you. You could've asked me right back.
[ How's that brotherly disappointment feel on the receiving end, huh? ]
[Yeah no it's not great. It makes his shoulders sag even lower, heavier than he thought possible. His own self guilt at not doing things right enough, then his brother still getting hurt despite his best efforts, now this...
He thumbs at the wetness at one eye, blocking his view from Hiro for a few seconds, breathes in a shuddering breath.]
I know. I-i know, I planned to, but- then Honey showed up, then Callaghan and Krei and--
[No. No, those are just excuses and he knows it. Tadashi shakes his head.]
[ Well dammit, he immediately regrets looking disappointed now. Internally his skin crawls a bit at the thought of being tracked all the time without even knowing it - but he knows now, doesn't he? And he's a technokinetic. If he really needs to go off the radar, it's as simple as flicking a switch now. His brother wouldn't be able to find him then.
Somehow that thought fills his stomach with even more lead, though. He'd gotten used to the idea that his brother would always be there to rescue him, had even joked about him having a sixth sense not five minutes before. So what's the actual difference here? ... Maybe he's just glad his brother knows where he is after all. So, after a moment, he just leans in to hug Tadashi again. ]
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microbrobotics) wrote2025-01-08 05:19 pm
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And now this might be the only chance they get to remember their parents together. He swallows, thickly, and moves to lean against his brother's arm. ]
Y-yeah? Even the armor? The armor's cool, you have to admit that.
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[He moves his arm to wrap around Hiro's, similar to what his little brother used to do when they were younger. He can almost hear their voices saying how proud they are of Hiro. He's done so much in such a short amount of time with his life.
This is usually the only time he allows himself break down. To apologize for mistakes he feels he's made raising Hiro. Mistakes he's made for himself that he's sure they wouldn't be proud of, for not honoring them enough...
But his brother is here with him. So he can't let that wall fall. He clenches a fist against his pant leg instead.]
Probably throw a big party for you getting into SFIT too.
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They'd have done it for you too, I bet.
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[Shit. Shit, Hiro turning this conversation to him, to what their parents would think of himself is gonna make him lose it. He's always, always thought about what their parents would think of Tadashi in relation to Hiro. Not - not to himself. As a stand alone. Not for his own accomplishments. He's always made promises to be better - to look after Hiro better, to take better care of him and Aunt Cass, he's the oldest, it's -- he has to.
He has to be better than this. Hiro's gotten so badly hurt since he's gotten here already. Tadashi has to get better at this. He mumbles an apology ducking his head down with a shuddering quiet sob.]
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So, without hesitating or saying a word, he reaches over and puts his arms around his brother. ]
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He had wanted them back so badly. Pleaded, begged for them to be given back. Would have traded with them if he had to. Nothing ever came of it.
Tadashi gives his brother's shoulders a gentle squeeze, wipes at his eyes. Have to hold it together. Even in the one time he lets himself let go, he needs to keep it together.]
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They'd be proud. You've been a great older brother.
[ And he means that, he really does. The older he gets, the more he realizes how much Tadashi must have given up to make Hiro's childhood as - well, not normal, but tolerable - as it was. ]
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Been a great older brother. When? When he couldn't keep Hiro from getting into trouble? When He couldn't get Hiro to listen to reason, that it took manipulation to get him on the right track again? That he's going to die and leave his brother alone?]
Can't help but keep questioning that.
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What? Why? When haven't you been a good brother?
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[He tries to stay nonchalant but ... Honestly, the guilt's been weighing on him quite a bit over the last few months. It's hard, taking Hiro's choices and mistakes as his own failure to raise his brother the way he thinks he should have.]
Name it, I probably could've done it better.
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You rescued me all the time. You pulled me out of lockers, you walked me to class and kept those jerks away as much as you could ... I swear you had a sixth sense. You always knew where I was.
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[Ah. That last comment. Maybe... They've each come clean about almost everything except That. And it's only right he does.]
...Hey, do you.. Promise not to be mad about something?
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[ Tadashi's certainly got good timing - Hiro's ready to promise anything and meeting. ]
And of course I won't get mad. Not when I've spent the last five minutes saying how great you are.
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[Yep, lay that guilt on a little harder, lil bro. Tadashi rubs at the back of his neck nervously, looking at the tree again.]
About being able to know where you are, uh. All the time? It's... It's not as amazing as you think.
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[ Now Tadashi's just not talking any sense. He knows that Hiro didn't mean that literally, right? ]
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[He looks Hiro over and. Reaches to grab the back of his brother's hoodie's neckline and gently pulls it away from his skin.
And Waits.]
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[ And then he pauses. He can feel that ever-present buzz move away when his brother tugs at his hoodie. Ugh, he hates that itchy feeling. Like something is stuck ... He frowns, eyes glazing over as he nudges that little thing nestled in his hoodie. ]
... What are you doing? Did you put something in there?
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Long time ago. Before we ever showed up here, even. Micro-gps tracker.
[He's quiet a long minute to let that sit.]
How I always found you.
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He isn't even sure how to feel at first. His mouth just hangs open in shock. ]
You've been stalking me? In real life too?
[ In addition to all of his network posts, obviously. ]
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There was a day. You were really small, starting junior high. Six or seven years old, I went to pick you up. You never came out though. So - I went, uh. Asked your teachers, they said you'd left. [A shaky breath - he remembers that day so vividly, how afraid he was for him.] No one knew where you were. Spen-spent hours looking, almost til after security was going to force me to leave.
Found you, in a locker. Carried you home, knew I couldn't do that again.
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So that takes the wind out of him a little. Curbs the edge of what could have been anger. If a complete lack of privacy was the price he paid to never, ever be left in a locker for hours again? Maybe he was okay with that. As a kid. As a young adult ... he's not sure. ]
Why didn't you tell me?
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He looks back down at his hands. Stupid... big older brother decisions, can't even keep his little brother safe properly.]
Would you 've understood if I told you before?
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[ The Hiro from back home who went bot fighting and spent as much time away from his brother as he could? No way. He'd have been picking them out left and right, throwing them in the bay, all kinds of things to keep himself out of his brother's watchful eye. And probably have gotten himself beaten up for it. Here ... Hiro's a little more amenable to the concept, but even with this timing he's not feeling 100% good about this. ]
Maybe not back home. But - I asked you if I could do the same for you. You could've asked me right back.
[ How's that brotherly disappointment feel on the receiving end, huh? ]
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He thumbs at the wetness at one eye, blocking his view from Hiro for a few seconds, breathes in a shuddering breath.]
I know. I-i know, I planned to, but- then Honey showed up, then Callaghan and Krei and--
[No. No, those are just excuses and he knows it. Tadashi shakes his head.]
... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Hiro.
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Somehow that thought fills his stomach with even more lead, though. He'd gotten used to the idea that his brother would always be there to rescue him, had even joked about him having a sixth sense not five minutes before. So what's the actual difference here? ... Maybe he's just glad his brother knows where he is after all. So, after a moment, he just leans in to hug Tadashi again. ]
Stupid.
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